Emotions

It’s late. Too late for me to be writing, but I have lots of emotions swirling in my head and my heart right now to be able to sleep. One of my former co-workers at The Atlanta Journal-Constitution died unexpectedly over the weekend. He loved his children like I love you. I ran across a video he made a couple of years back, and it could have been me saying his exact words. Explaining how much it meant to him to be a parent. How much he loved his children but also had to discipline them. How it’s a very fine line. How he wanted to teach them things. How he wanted them to know that when things get dark and difficult, and they will, they should never forget that he and their mom are always in their corner, just like Mama and I are in yours. I’m so sad for Kent’s family and am praying hard for them. I can’t possibly imagine what they are going through. 

Then there is this week. You are starting first grade. I don’t know where the time has gone. You are such an incredibly bright, kind, vivacious, amazing young lady. You make everything and everyone around you better. You certainly do me. 

Please ALWAYS remember that I’ve never loved anything like I love you. From the moment I saw your gummy-bear image on the ultrasound, you took over a place in my heart I didn’t know existed. 

I love you Lil Park. Be awesome and always fill lots of buckets! 

Renaissance girl

You really are in interesting young lady. Today you told your teachers at Lego robotics camp that you “love programming.” You are 6 and going into first grade, and the camp is usually for 2nd grade and up, but they were impressed with how well you do putting Legos together, so they suggested that we sign you up for the robotics camp.

On the way home, we stopped at a local store to get pimiento cheese. You didn’t want to come in, but staying in the car while Mommy runs in is NOT an option. Good thing they had a bucket of chalk. You plopped down and started drawing. Being the artist you are, you used your hands to smudge the chalk rather than simply color in the ice cream cone you were drawing.

It’s so fun to watch your creativity and skill on display in a variety of ways. I hope you continue to love to create and code! Coding girls are cool!

 

My Valentine

It’s been a super long time since I last wrote. For that I apologize. I may someday go back and fill in some of the space, but starting from here is better than nothing.

Today was your 6th Valentine’s Day. You are in Kindergarten.

All of the kids in your class made boxes to hold your Valentine’s cards. Not everyone made their cards like you did. You handmade each one. I think all told you made about 25 cards for classmates and teachers.

You could have bought the cards in which all you needed to do was sign your name, but no. That’s not who you are. That’s not what is in your heart.

Speaking of hearts, I had to go to work early for a meeting so I didn’t see much of you in the morning. I was able to slip away to surprise you for lunch. You were so excited, and it was nice to be able to eat with you.

One thing struck me during lunch. Two or three times you and I were asked about you having two Moms. One even suggested that you had two moms because your Dad died. In a perfectly normal tone of voice you said, “No, I just have two Moms. I’ve never had a Dad.”

I was so proud of you. I also was disappointed in myself for not giving you tools to understand the answer to that question, so I’m going to spend some time with you in the coming days talking about your birth story to help you better understand.

Thanks for being such a big girl. Thank you for being proud of who you are. Thank you for teaching me every day what it means to be gracious and kind. Thank you for being in my life.

Thank you for being my Valentine.

Compassion

That’s a big word for you right now, but at the age of 3, you have more compassion than most adults I know. And you always have —whether it’s befriending and being patient with “your buddy, Lucy” who used to bark loudly at you as you passed by her fenced-in yard but now brings her ball to the gate when she sees you approaching and buries her head in your chest as you gently rub behind her ear or smiling and saying hello to a stranger.

You have always known when someone needed an extra hug, a smile, an “I love you”. That was the case with me this morning. Your Grandma Sharon died a month ago today. I didn’t talk about it with you because it wouldn’t make sense to you. Frankly, it doesn’t make sense to me, either. Yes, you’ve seen me cry probably more than you ever have in your short time on this Earth, but neither one of us has made a big deal out of it when she see me cry.

This morning, you made sure I got extra doses of hugs, kisses and ugamugas. And you told me several times — unsolicited — that you loved me. You ask me often if I am proud of you, and baby, I am. I hope you never doubt that or my love for you. 

You are an incredible girl. And I hope you will never lose your ability to show compassion toward others as you do now because the world needs more people like you. 

First haircut

When Lil was born, we told our hairdresser, Jennifer Conroy, that it would be up to her to decide when Lil’s hair needed to be cut because neither Lisa nor I was woman enough to make that call. Not on that beautiful head of hair. Well, G (as all the little kids call her), looked at Lil’s hair today and made the call. Lil’s hair would look better if it was trimmed. So she did. Lil, whose hair is too long for her to get it cut sitting in the chair, did a great job of standing straight and being still. It was only a little trim, but it was still the first time that scissors were taken to Lil’s hair, so it was a bit traumatic. Lisa and I both teared up a bit, but we stayed strong. 🙂 Thanks, G, for being such a good sport and doing our girl right.

Lil “Imelda” Park

I’m not sure how you’re going to turn out, but right now you are the girliest girl in the world. You love to dance, you love shiny things, whether it’s sequins on a shirt, jewelry, glitter nail polish, etc. Our friends laugh because neither your Mama nor I is like that. In fact, we don’t really know what to do with you, so I seek guidance from others with girly fashion sense.

Tonight I went to Old Navy because they were having a sale. One of the things I got you was a pair of bright pink shoes. In your words, they were “Buu-ti-ful!”

Christmas 2013

What a Christmas. We lost Grandma Sharon a week ago yesterday. I have been very sad and cried a lot. A lot. But today, even though I had a heavy heart, I smiled and laughed because you had so much fun. And seeing the world through your eyes makes me feel so good.

You slept pretty late — 8:30 or so. This was the first year that you had an idea of who Santa is and what the material side of Christmas is all about. You also were introduced to the real meaning of Christmas. We went to church last night with Aunt Deanna, Uncle Rudy and Jonah. Hopefully next year, if we’ve done our jobs, you will understand more who Baby Jesus is and what Christmas is all about, but I’m happy where we are now.

Anyway, enough deep talk. We made cookies for Santa and left carrots for his reindeer. When you woke up, you came downstairs and read a note from Santa Claus. You had asked for a cookie, the sun and the moon. Santa left you one of the cookies you made him because Mrs. Claus’ oven had broken, and he couldn’t bring the cookie. And Santa said he spoke to Mr. Sun and Mr. Moon and told you to wave hello to them every time you see them.

The elves packed a lot of other gifts: A Sophia the First activity book that was HUGE, at least 11×17; a doctor’s kit; a couple of books — My Body and The First Big Book of Why; a puzzle map of the United States; princess underwear; jewelry from Mrs. Claus; crayons; candy and a Minnie Mouse card game. Mommy and Mama got you a ballerina musical jewelry box; jewelry (including clip-on earrings); Pepa Pig book; Pete the Cat book; Under the Sea story CD; Wonder Woman Mr. Potato Head.

You also got gifts from others: Paul and Buddy sent you a Monsters Inc. stuffed animal and a picture of them with you at their house. David and Debby sent you a rubber duck; necklaces; Dr. Seuss bowl; National Geographic books and crayons. Granddad and Rosa brought you the outfit you wore to Christmas Eve; Rosanna, Michael and Julia sent you the book “Wave,” a book with no words but that is perfectly fitting because it is about a little girl and her love of the beach and ocean. Nana and Papa got you a lot of things as well: Little Mermaid DVD, Princess outfit with gloves, tutu, etc., a Princess Candy Land game and more.

Jack got you a bunch of stuff. I’ll have to add it later because I was cooking lunch while he gave it to you. One of the things he did give you was a flashlight that you can keep by your bed. Bless Jack’s heart for trying to help us get you to sleep in your own bed.

It took you awhile to go through your Santa gifts and then open your other gifts. Actually, your deliberateness was refreshing. You didn’t just run through everything and ask for more. You really appreciated everything you got and seemed honestly shocked that it was all yours. It was great and surprising for someone your age.

Jack, Uncle Rudy and Aunt Deanna came over for lunch. We had a stuffed, rolled turkey breast and gravy that was really good; sweet potato soufle; deviled eggs; steamed broccoli; wild rice and gravy from the turkey breast. Kind of a new meets old. Deanna made an amazing twisted bread that had something like four different breads in one. Amazing.

You made today a great Christmas, and I thank you for making it so special. The rest of the day was spent taking a nap, playing Candy Land and watching Little Mermaid for the first time. Just like we have celebrated your birthday all month, we will do the same for Christmas. JoJo arrives Saturday. 🙂

I love you so much, Lil Park!

Grandma Sharon

Lil,

You spoke to your Grandma Sharon a few times, most recently on her birthday, Nov. 7, 2013. She was so happy to talk with you. We could hear it in her voice. She told us how excited she was to get the birthday card you sent and signed and told you she loved you. You don’t know this concept now, and we haven’t told you about Grandma Sharon for that reason, but she went to Heaven on Monday, Dec. 16. That means she’s not on Earth like we are anymore.

She was much too young, 65. I’m sorry for both of you that you never met your Grandma Sharon in person. She would have had a blast with you, and you would have loved her big heart. She would have showed you her ducks like Allan did last weekend and she would have helped you pet Bobby the parakeet.

Part of the reason you didn’t meet her was timing and distance. But to be honest, and I will always try to be honest with you, a big part of the reason you didn’t ever see her was because I wasn’t sure I wanted to expose you to the craziness that I experienced as her daughter. I would hope that your relationship would have been better than mine, but I felt like I couldn’t chance that with you. 

It’s very complicated, and someday, if you want, we will talk about it, but I am confident that your Grandma Sharon is watching over us. She loves you more than anything, and now she has the ability to really help you. When she was on this Earth, she had physical and mental issues that prevented her from being the Mom and Grandmom we needed and she probably wanted to be but couldn’t.

Now, she will watch over you the rest of your life, guiding you to what is right and good in this world. If you look to the sky and see a star that is shining brighter than the others, that’s your Grandma Sharon. You will make her smile and most of all, you will make her proud.

I love you, Lil Park, and always will.

Mommy

3-year check-up

Reaching for Dr. Sells.

Today was your 3-year doctor’s appointment. No shots, yippee!! You weighed 30.5 pounds, were 36 1/4 inches tall and had a BMI of 16.something.

Dr. Sells said you are advanced, looked great and that you are precocious. This was the first time you had your blood pressure taken. You didn’t mind it at first, but then they couldn’t get it and had to do it again at the end of the appointment. You did not like it at all.

All in all, it was a great visit!

You did not like the blood pressure machine.

3rd Birthday Trip: Day 3

Today was a pretty chill day. We started the day by wishing Alex happy birthday. Today was his 3rd birthday. Mommy’s back was hurting really bad, and I went to get a massage. You were so sweet. You didn’t want me to go, and said you would rub my back for me so I didn’t have to go.

I think you are trying to catch up on your sleep or something because you just hung around, too. Maybe it’s just that you like the beach so much and feel so relaxed here. Whatever it is, we didn’t do much.

You cracked me up though because it seemed like every time I saw you today you were eating. Maybe you’re in a growth spurt, and that’s why you are tired. You ate tons of Granddad’s cranberry bread and a lot of other stuff that I can’t even keep track of.

We went to the beach for a bit, but it was really cold, so we didn’t stay long.

Tonight we celebrated your birthday with Granddad because we won’t be with him on your birthday. We got you peppermint and chocolate ice cream cupcakes from Marble Slab Creamery. You told Mama: “I told you I would get cupcakes!” Too funny.

Well, time to get to bed because tomorrow begins the big birthday week. You’re not going to know what hit you. Of course, we probably won’t either, but I’m looking forward to sharing it with you.

Ice cream cupcakes.